


who knows where the time goes

by riririn



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ? - Freeform, Ignoring Canon, Non-Linear Narrative, Soul Bond, Unrequited Crush, cause i can, loads of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riririn/pseuds/riririn
Summary: Redemption is not one act or one moment in your life. Redemption is proving over and over again that you understand where you went wrong, and continuing to do the right thing even when it is so terribly, horribly hard. Even when others keep on fearing and mistrusting you.The galaxy moves on, and so do Rey and Ben.
Kudos: 3





	who knows where the time goes

_ Rey, can you hear me? _

Rey opens her eyes. "Yes, I can. I see you, too."

Ben doesn't look too good. He looks like he isn't sleeping much. Or eating. But Rey this time, Rey will keep her mouth shut. He won't hear it, and she doesn't have the energy to do that right now.

In spite of his harrowed appearance, Ben's smile seems genuine. "You look well. Where have you been?"

"Here and there. Poe wanted to go help his ex-girlfriend or something, and since Finn and I needed a break from all the rebuilding we went with him. Chewie, too. I think he was happy to fly on the  _ Falcon _ again."

"Not too many shoot-outs? Dameron's exes probably aren't much more savoury than he is."

Rey has to laugh, because they really aren't. "They aren't, and not too many. And anyway, people don't really shoot at me, right now. Too much hero worship. I can't wait for it to wear off."

Ben's smile doesn't leave his face, but seems to dim a little. "It will, and sooner than you think. But not as quickly as you'd hope." She can sense his sadness, but isn't sure what's making him sad. He looks her straight in the eye when she raises her hand.

He hesitates only for a moment before raising his own.

-

"Finn?"

"Hmm?"

"What was it that you wanted to tell me? On Pasaana?"

Finn looks confused for a moment. Then his cheeks darken, ever so slightly, and he looks away to the gadget he's been working on.

"Well, come on, it's just the two of us. You can tell me." Rey swats him lightly on the shoulder and tries to smile encouragingly. Finn just twiddles his thumbs, before sighing deep.

"I wanted to tell you how much I care about you."

Rey feels herself still. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I don't know, after everything, it feels kind of… little, now. After…"

"It's not little, it's how you feel."

Finn looks at her again. "No, I mean, it's just… You've got that soul-bond thing with Kylo Ren - sorry, Ben, I know you hate the other name. What I mean is, no matter how much I've helped you, and I know I did my part and more, I'm just a regular guy. I won't ever be a jedi, like you guys. I won't ever have a bond like what you have with him, and everyone can see it's pretty special, from the way you stood up for him."

Rey feels colour rise to her own cheeks, now. "So, what, does everyone think I'm in love with him now or something, because I stood up for him?" At Finn's pointed silence she rises to her feet. "Oh, lord."

"For the record, I'm not. In love with him. And I'm not saying people shouldn't hate him, because he did terrible things. But I'm saying he knows he was wrong, and he regrets it and is willing to face the consequences. And he saved my life."

Finn just looks at her. "Hard to face the consequences if he keeps on running like he's doing."

"He is actually helping, you know. No matter what Palpatine said, not all Siths were on Exegol. Ben's been hunting down the rogue ones."

"Oh. Okay. Well, that's something."

"And the soul-bond-thing, it's not… It's not romantic. Not for me at least, I guess it could be, for some people. It's just that I feel like I've found something inside me that I didn't even know I was missing, a part of me that's made me whole."   
  
Finn snorts. "Yeah, doesn't sound romantic at all."

-

"I'm sorry, Leia. I don't know how to make him see sense and come back. I thought he would come to it on his own, but he says he needs to kill the remaining Siths."

Rey doesn't know why she does this. She knows Leia can sense her, somewhere, somehow, but his is not her problem anymore. But Rey doesn't know who else to talk to, either. Who else would care or understand.

Even she doesn't truly understand her bond with with Ben. It's different than a close friend or a lover, but also something very similar to it. A part of her, separate and missing but there all the same. The part that makes her whole.

What do you call a person who is your other half? Who holds a part of your soul? But whom you don't really know, either, is some ways?

Rey knows she has a part of Ben in her as well, the same way Ben has a part of her. Even now, separated by who knows how many lightyears, when they're not even communicating, she can feel his existence, his sure sadness. His conviction that he's doing the right thing.

She can only guess what he feels from her. A steady feeling of frustration? Annoyance?

_ He feels what you do, Rey. A steady conviction that you're doing the right thing. _

Rey snaps out of her thoughts. "Leia? Is that you? Are you here? Leia!"

There's no answer. Only the wind.

-

_ I'm here. Rey, I'm here. _

Rey opens her eyes. Ben's standing at the door of her hut. Or his spirit is. It's a warm evening, and Ben's dressed far too warmly for the weather.

"Is something wrong?" she says, yawning at the same time. It's been a long day, and it felt like she just fell asleep when he was calling for her..

Ben frowns. "You tell me. I sensed that you were uneasy. I thought you called for me. So I came."

Rey sits up in her cot and tries to think. Had she called him? She doesn't know. She had a dream, and...

"I had a dream. I dreamed I was the Empress, but I was alone. I had killed my grandfather, but he didn't live on in me. You were there, and you tried to stop me. So I killed you too."

Silence. Rey doesn't dare to look up. Then she hears him sigh.

"It didn't happen. It would never have happened. You're strong enough to not do it."

"I was going to." She hasn't told this to anyone. Not even Finn, or BB-8. "On Exegol, before I sensed you. I was going to kill him and take his place, because…"

"Because you thought it was the only way to save everyone. I know. Rey, you're not him. You didn't do it. You're still you."

"I want you here." She hasn't said aloud before. Ben doesn't answer for a long time.

"I can't."   
  
"You mean you won't." She knows it won't help, but she feels herself getting angry. And she can see that he's starting to close off his emotions from his face. He tries to distance himself from her, but she can see beneath it. 

"You're scared. You're scared they won't accept you after all that's happened. I get it. They probably won't at first. But they will, eventually."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Well I am! Ben, you saved me, you saved my soul. And neither of us could have ended it alone. I'll make them see it."

"Rey, stop it. RIght now, I can best help by staying away. There are still Siths out there, and I'll find them. And after that… Well, I know what I have to do, but don't know if I have the strength to do it."

He sounds like he's repeating something, as if he's said those words before to someone else. Maybe he has.

"Ben, while I think it's a good thing to hunt down the last Siths, I also think you're using it as an excuse to not face us. You can't keep running forever."

"I'm not going to keep running for ever. You see me, you know me. Right now, that's enough."

She doesn't know what to say. Suddenly, she doesn't care either. It must show on her face.

"Rey, I'm trying to redeem myself, but redemption is not one act or one moment in your life. Redemption is proving over and over again that you understand where you went wrong, and continuing to do the right thing even when it is so terribly, horribly hard. Even when others keep on fearing and mistrusting you. Even when it's hard." He looks tired. "I'll never be free of Kylo Ren, and I don't think I'll ever be done with redeeming myself, but I promise you, I will keep doing it. For the rest of my life."

She can feel the anger rising again. She knows it doesn't help. She chooses not to care.

"And right now you're running away, choosing not to face all of us as Ben Solo. You come to me like this as you like, but not truly." She knows she's lying. This is as real for them as being physically in the same place. The way their minds are connected, there is no real difference.

Ben look hurt, and taken aback. "I thought this meant… I thought this meant something to you too."

And at that, he turns and leaves. And if Rey feels more angry and frustrated than she should, maybe it's not all her own.

-

Finn's passed out on the table, and Rey feels like following his example. Just one of those days.

Poe, on the other hand, is on top of his game. He pours himself and Rey another drink. And winks before sipping his own. Sometimes Rey just can't stand him.

She does, however, sip her own drink too. It's something terribly fruity and probably at least half of it is pure alcohol. Poe does like his drinks as sweet and stealthy as… something sweet and stealthy.

"Sooooo.. Howsa our missing flamey sword-dude?"

She blinks. "That makes no sense."

Poe sighs. "You know, red saber… dude. It's, like, flamey."

Rey blinks and thinks on that for a moment. And sips her drink. "I… guess you could call his light saber… flamey."   
  
Poe makes a sound that sounds a lot like  _ Ha! _ "Yeah, so, how is he. Coming back anytime soon?"

"I don't think so." Silence follows. Rey and Poe stare at each other. Finn snores. He hasn't always snored. Or has he? Rey can't remember anymore.

"When did Finn start snoring?"

"I don't know. Like, ten minutes ago? I kind of lost track of time."

That's not what she meant, but it doesn't matter. She starts laughing anyway. Maybe because of it. So does Poe. And for once, the two of them aren't arguing.

Despite all their differences, Poe's not too bad.

And then, for some reason, it hits her like never before. She groans and leans her head to her hands.

"What, girl? Wanna go to sleep too?"

"He's in love with me. I think."

"Who, Flamey? Yeah, anyone could guess that."

Rey sighs. "I'm talking about Finn." That shuts Poe up. For a moment.

"Yeah, well… Finn's a guy like that."

"Like what?"

"The guy who falls for a hero."

Rey tries to process that. She doesn't feel like a hero. They lost so many, so much. She says it too. Poe's not impressed.

"We're still walking and talking. I mean, if you hadn't gone out alone to that wreck, where would we be? If you hadn't fought Palpatine, where would we be? We lost many, but if it wasn't for you, we would have lost all."

"You guys helped me. Ben helped me."

Poe scoffs. "You helped him first, from what I hear. In the end it comes down to what you did, and don't try to deny it. You saved us, we just helped a little.

"But what about Finn? What do I do with him?" She feels lost. Finn is the best friend she's ever had. But she doesn't know if she feels that way about anyone. She was alone, for so long. Maybe too long. Maybe she doesn't have it in her.

Poe seems unconcerned. "Do what you feel, and then be man enough to face the consequences."

Rey blinks. "But I'm not a man."

They stare at each other before they start laughing again. Finn sleeps on.

-

She knows she doesn't have to look for him. He's a part of her, he can't hide.

_ Be with me. _

Rey opens her eyes. Ben is standing in front of her. His mouth opens, he says something, but she can't hear him.

_ Be with me, Ben. _

He raises his hand, and she follows suit.

_ Always. _


End file.
